Birthday Parties and Bad Excuses
by x-NewGirlInTown-x
Summary: Inspired by The Criminal Minds Quotes Challenge. How will Sirius get out of this one? Just a little bit of humour I hope! Please RxR


**Disclaimer: **I wish I owned Harry Potter, it's characters, or anything remotely related to it. Unfortunately, I don't. Or the quotes from Criminal Minds.

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_Oh man, she was going to kill him._

Sirius took a few deep breaths outside the door, smoothing his hair back and trying to flatten his shirt.

_Literally going to kill him._

Knowing the longer he stayed outside, the later he would be and therefore the madder she would get, he placed one hand on the door handle, and then thought better of it. Pausing again, he moved his wand from the front pocket of his jeans to his free hand. _Better to be safe than sorry, after all._ He took one last deep breath, bracing himself, and then walked through the door.

Inside the house there were banners and streamers everywhere, glitter and wrapping paper all over the floor...everything that a one-year-old's birthday party should be. Sirius scanned the hallway, still apprehensive as he approached the living room, hoping against hope that he'd be able to just slide his gift onto the sizeable pile appearing there and-

"Oh, so you finally decided us worthy to be graced with your presence, did you?"

_Damn. No such luck._

The dark-haired man turned slowly to face the very person he'd been desperate to avoid, his expression sheepish under her emerald glare.

"Hey, Lils," he said, trying to muster some bravado. "Sorry I'm late." He offered her the winning Black smile, the kind that usually left women turning to putty in his hands, but Lily didn't even blink.

"I hope she was worth it," she sniped coldly, eyeing his creased shirt with obvious disdain. She opened her mouth again, and Sirius shrunk back slightly, sensing the impending ramage. Luckily for him, Lily's eyes darted distractedly to a spot just above his head, where the kitchen door had had begun spewing thick, dark smoke.

"Merlin, the cake!" Sirius only had a moment to notice how stressed the redhead looked - hair pulled back in a dishevelled ponytail, smudge of flour on her nose - before she was off, leaving him with a final death glare that clearly said "_this-is-so-not-over-Sirius-Black!" _

Still, he couldn't help but grin at her retreating figure. _Could've been worse. _Deciding it was safe, he pocketed his wand and began scanning again, searching for his godson now, when a familiar voice broke into his thoughts.

"Forget worth it, mate...I just hope it was a she." Sirius turned once more, this time to see his best friend leaning in the doorway to the living room, hazel eyes twinkling, trademark grin firmly in place.

"Shut it, Prongs," he said good-naturedly, and James laughed as the two men embraced.

"Nice of you to finally show up, mate. Harry's through there." He jerked his head in the direction of the living room, and Sirius moved into the doorway, pausing briefly as he took it all in.

The rest of the Marauders were there, of course. Remus stood to one side, party hat on his head, smiling at the small boy in the middle of the room. Dumbledore was there too, his eyes dancing with amusement and also firmly trained on Sirius' godson. Sirius felt a swell of pride as his own eyes landed on Harry, with his mother's emerald gaze and his father's tuft of untidy, jet-black hair. _And __**his**__ prankster nature, apparently._

Somehow, Harry had managed to grab James' wand, and was repeatedly prodding a rather terrified-looking Wormtail, gurgling happily as he left a large, red wart wherever he touched.

Sirius couldn't help but let out a quiet bark of laughter, and James joined him in the doorway.

"That's my boy," he said proudly, and this time both men laughed. They stood silently for a few minutes, side by side, sharing a moment of forgetting as they watched the newest Marauder continue his train of torment, until Remus finally came to Wormtail's resuce and removed the wand.

"So..." Sirius broke the silence, and turned to face his friend, his tone conversational, but his eyes showing a hint of unease. "How badly did I just screw up?" He gestured towards the kitchen, where Lily could be heard cursing violently as smoke continued to pour from the gap above the door. James paused for a moment, shaking his head and smiling as he listened to his wife. Then he looked at Sirius and shrugged, a slight smirk playing at the corner of his mouth.

"On a normal scale of one to ten: six. On Lily's?" He paused, moving his hands as though weighing something up, and then spoke. "Eleven."

_Crap._

"Crap." James nodded, still smirking.

"Trust me, Sirius. Crap? Doesn't even begin to cover it." She was back, this time a cake held firmly in both hands, but she was still glaring at him. "Now you better have a damn good reason as to why you're over an hour late for your Godson's birthday party, or so help me..." She trailed off, expectant.

"Uhhh..." He looked behind her, to James, searching for some help, but he simply held up his hands and shook his head. _So much for brotherhood._

"I...well, I...OK, to be honest?" He met her sniper's gaze unwaveringly, letting some shame leak into his voice. "I got pretty drunk. And there was this girl in Diagon Alley..." Lily's eyes narrowed as he said this, "...and I was just really, really drunk. I'm sorry." His tone was sincere as he said that, but Lily didn't waver.

"That has got to be the worst excuse in the _world_, Sirius Black. I wouldn't follow a stranger into an Alleyway no matter how wasted I was." Her tone was incredulous, her eyes disbelieving.

_Time for some damage control._

"Yeah..." he acceded unwillingly. _And then, a flash of genius._ "But then, you're not a man, are you? I mean, testosterone will follow a women into The Hog's Head. Barefoot!"

It had the desired effect. Lily's lip curved upwards unwillingly, and she let out a snort. James gave him a thumbs up in the background, and he continued on, gathering his pace now.

"Come on, Lils," he wheedled, smiling at her cheekily. "You don't want us to fight on Harry's birthday, do you? I mean, it's supposed to be a day for celebration, isn't it?"

She raised an eyebrow at him, but was well and truly smiling now, grudgingly as it was. There was a long pause as she considered, and Sirius almost held his breath. Then she sighed, her eyes returning to normal. "Fine."

He grinned triumphantly, and held his hand out for a high-five, but she ignored it, her tone half-teasing, half-threatening. "But don't even think of putting one toe out of line for the rest of today, Padfoot. Do _not_ make me smack you in front of all these people." She pointed a finger at him like a mother would, and he winked.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Then he leaned forward and pulled her up into a bear-hug, planting a huge kiss on her forehead as he did so. "Awww, you're the best, Lily!" He chuckled, and set her down again. _He hated Lily being mad with him really._

She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, and said in an overly-bright, gushing voice, "Awww, and you're the most perceptive!" Then she rolled her eyes, giggling, and gave James a quick kiss before moving into the living room with the bright blue cake.

As the first few lines of 'Happy Birthday' started, James leaned over and whispered in his friends' ear.

"Skilful, Pads, I've got to hand it to you. I seriously thought she was going to skin you alive early."

Sirius shrugged nochalantly. "Nah, not Lily, she knows me too well. It's like I always say...why mess with perfection?" He offered his old friend a wicked grin, and it was James' turn to roll his eyes. Clapping his hand on Sirius' back, he chuckled.

"Come on, let's get this party started, eh?"

"You read my mind." And with that, the two men joined the rest of the group in cheering for the small boy in the nappy, the boy that was soon to be The Boy Who Lived.

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**A/N:** Thanks go to **_Anodynic Love_** for creating the challenge that inspired me! Something a bit different from the style I'm used to, so I'd love to know what you guys thought. Go on, push the button! :)


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